The first thing I noticed was the great abundance of very good-looking females. The Rock (a local concert venue) was jammed pact with not only girls from out of this world, but guys who were much more handsome than myself or my friends I came along with- Kyle, Sean, Emily, and Ryan. It was like being on the U of A campus, an isolated area of this city containing the entire population of women that make my jaw drop.
We came to see a band called State Radio, one that I'd never heard of before that night. I learned that another band, Revolution, was the headliner... Strange name. Or, at least coupled with all these pretty people, the name didn't seem to fit.
I thought, well, that's cool. I like the idea of hot revolutionaries (almost sounds like an oxymoron), or atleast politically conscious college students.
As I stood on the outer edge of the mob, my body compressed as much as possible, I looked behind me to see a girl taking a shot and using Red Bull as a chaser. Hmm... As liberated as revolutionaries are with respect to drugs, why would they partake on such an occasion, when they should be listening intently for the knowledge that this band, Revolution, will bring?
Well, State Radio finished their set, and would you believe, the crowd started chanting "U of A! U of A!" So I yelled out, "PIMA!" and wanted to say, "It's a school night for you bitches."
Then Revolution came on stage. The bassist wore a jersey that said Rastafari. It was at this point when I noticed there were barely any black or brown people. I thought, "Now wait a minute. You can't have a revolution without color, much less with white kids getting drunk and yelling, "Bro chill."
But, alas, I put those nagging thoughts away to try to enjoy the pleasant reggae sounds. That only lasted a minute before my friends wanted to leave. They discussed how lame this audience was, how it was full of frat boys who refer to themselves as bros. My friends had a problem with their presence. I certainly enjoyed being in the presence of all those gorgeous females, but all in all, that was no place for a real revolution.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey tim how you doing? this is actually a response to your short story that you did today in class. i was very busy over the last two days and didn't figure that this was due today and I am so sorry for disrespecting you by not having it ready, especially since you took the time to read my story. so here is my response to your story.
ReplyDeleteThis kid seems to have a great voice to him and makes him feel very real. like Mimi i did feel that some of the phrases like "threaten"
and "I don't mean that really" seem a bit out of place for a nine year old to say however it is nothing that detracts from the story. your description of the dream is beautiful i would try to put more vivid scenes like this into the story because you do them such justice. the pyramid of Veggies really captured a child's fear of a food type, damn good job. I'm no one to go into proper tense however one line seems to change the tense "I woke up from that dream and went to go throw up" I guess if i was writing it i would phrase it "I woke up running to the bathroom to vomit" however that may be a little advanced for a nine year old so take the criticism as you please; not to mention i could be completly wrong about what i said about tense. using a child's frame of mind is clearly seen in this story. "What made it EVEN MORE REAL AND SCARY..." that is exactly how i sounded at that age. i guess i see some sentence structure errors in your work and i will give you back your story so you can see what I'm talking about however everything else looks great. I too wonder where this story is going be careful not to dig a plot hole for your character that you can't climb out of. this story focused on the child's hate for vegetables. so will we learn more about Simon and his crazy imagination or will this be about Simon's battle to overcome something he hates. good luck with your story i think this could turn out to be a great children's novel. i really want to see what develops in Simon's life.